Recently, I was talking to someone about the Crowdfunder campaign I am running throughout August 2021. They made a comment about how, for someone like me, who values being in control of a situation, it must be hard to let go of something, and rely so much on external factors.
I hadn’t thought of it that way before.
I know I find them a worry but I hadn’t thought about how much of it was down to my not liking being in control.
Now, although I have, in the past, jokingly referred to myself as a control freak, and maybe others have said the same, I’m not one. In psychological terms, a control freak is someone who has a personality disorder that is characterised by undermining other people. Just by what I do for a business, as a lifestyle choice, that’s not me, as my whole ethos is around building others up.
But control is important to me.
One of the books on the current Crowdfunder UK goes further into why I have a need for control, but I shall give you a brief explanation now. It’s,to condense it down, for two reasons.
One is that, because I have disabilities, and I’m a disabled person that runs a business, I need to know where I am going and what is expected of me so I can plan the time needed for that and for recovery. I need to know how long a journey will take: how I will get somewhere: what’s expected of me when I get there; what food there is; and lots of other things, because all of those things impact on my health, so I want to be as prepared as I can.
So, is it control? Or is it having an understanding of my health needs and what works for me? I guess that would depend on who is making the judgement.
The bigger thing, though, is that, because there have been many times in my life when I have had no, or little, control, I need to feel in control to feel safe now.
There have been times when the repercussions of making a decision would impact me greatly, nearly always negatively, so I surrendered control, because that felt like, well, I was going to say safest, but that certainly wasn’t true, so I shall say the best option in a collection of bad ones.
Once I gained control over my own life, it was really important to me to feel safe, and that manifested as me needing to be aware of everything that was going to happen.
And part of that is in trusting that others will listen to/read what I say and do what they say they will do.
Yet, here I am, running a crowdfunding campaign, where I don’t know what is going to happen.
That is a downside of these campaigns. As well as being tiring, and time consuming, as you have to constantly be talking about the campaign, sharing things on social media, encouraging people to support, it’s a huge worry, especially as many of us run crowdfunders because we can’t fund the projects another way. I also worry that people will feel spammed, though I know the algorithms frequently mean people don’t see much of what we post.
And I don’t know if people will support it.
I don’t know if all those people that loved my first children's book will buy the second in the series via Crowdfunder.
I don’t know if all those people that said they can’t wait to read my book for adults will support the campaign and buy it.
I don’t know if all of those people that have said they want to come to my classes but are too scared to, or can’t afford to, will buy the book and get some guidance without needing to leave their lounge.
I don’t know if all the people that say how important my work is, who say how much what I do is needed, will put their money in their pockets and support it, either.
I don’t know if people will think they’ll buy the book once it’s published, without thinking that, without their support now, it might not get published.
And, most importantly, I don’t know whether the Crowdfunder will be successful so I won’t know if I can pay the two people that are involved, other than me, who can make my books a reality.
I do know that, if this campaign is not a success, neither book will be out for a very long time. Self-publishing is not cheap.
Lots of worries.
But, I have to put my insecurities when feeling I have no control aside, and believe that it will be a success. I have to trust that all of the people I have just mentioned will support it.
And that could be considered as one of the pros of crowdfunding: the support.
The messages on my page of the Crowdfunder UK site are wonderful! Comments saying how much they believe in what I do; how much they are looking forward to reading either, or both, books.
Another definite pro is that I can give people the option to donate to others, as well as buy for themselves. With my last Crowdfunder campaign over one hundred children’s books were donated! Some were given to schools, nurseries or groups known to the person making the donation; some were given to organisations I know and some I work with; some went to hospitals; some to nurseries in high poverty areas; some to organisations who work with children in care; some to families who may not access them otherwise; and one even made it to an orphanage in South Africa!
This time, as well as all of those options, the book for adults could be donated to organisations where there are vulnerable women, such as domestic refuges and crisis organisations, as the book will feel relevant for many of the clients.
Another incredible positive is seeing how many people believe in what I am doing; it’s highly validating and, even if we don’t need that validation, as we have self-belief, it’s still lovely to receive it.
And, for me, if this campaign is successful, I get to pay two other hugely talented people to work, too. In a time where many small businesses are struggling, this is hugely important!
Would the pre-Vie (that will make more sense when you read the book) have been able to do this? Highly unlikely. The stress, the lack of control, would have felt too much.
But, me, now, I can do this. I can reason that the worry is normal and to be expected, and that others running campaigns will mostly feel the same. I have experience of running another successful campaign that reached so many people, making many people happy, and that is a wonderful boost.
And, I believe in me.
You can support the Crowdfunder campaign here: https://www.crowdfunder.co.uk/who-am-i-childrens-book-adult-confidence-book/comments#start